Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
