im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
