I'm gonna have a badass scar
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
