so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
