Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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