Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
