He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Two words: blizzard sex
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
