i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh god it's open bar.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
