So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
