dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
