I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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