so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Never underestimate the power of titties
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
