Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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