she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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