god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize