Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
