the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
