the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
