Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
