Who wears a wallet chain?!
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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