omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
