im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
