I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
