i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
