So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
