"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
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I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
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I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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