i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize