Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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