So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
