I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
