watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
