Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Watching her eat just hurts me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
