He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
