I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
She told me I should be a condom model.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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