DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
