Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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