I feel like abortions should bother me more
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
