sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
