you guys were way drunker than both of me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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