Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
