We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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