WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
