Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
