I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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