I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
