You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
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