My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
