We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
