i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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