Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Randomize
