so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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