Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
