i don't like sucking hair
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
