i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
