The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
