i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
