Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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