he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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