he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
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When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
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He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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