Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
