My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
