You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
