The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
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Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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