youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize