am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
