so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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