Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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