I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
