I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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