dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
