I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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