we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Randomize
