By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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