we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
