I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
