if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
