her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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