He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
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Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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